The Soliloquies

Every opened door welcome new realities Every opened mind welcome new possibilities Every opened heart welcome new feelings Even hurt Everyday we are facing a brand new chapter Of our stories that yet we have to discover "The strong ones will remain" they said What about me? Us? This boxes in reality is so unfair Closing any possibilities Blocking every new way to feel Besides hurt I'm simply outnumbered by "the strong ones" Does that mean that I am weak? Does that mean that I am less worthy? That is a fucked up statement that Messes with my every being You have no idea how is it feel like When you are suddenly just paralyzed With raging heart, Every hard breath feels like the last one You are going to inhale and then One last exhale Your mind is all over the place But your body can't get you anywhere besides Brings you deeper in your own paranoia But we live anyway, aren't we? Maybe someday I will find my own box...

Simpang Mengayau, Kudat, Malaysia Forgiving is always a hard thing to do Aren't you agree with me, dear my mortal enemy? Sometimes, we just hate someone so much It hurts We just entered a territory where we never thought would ever be That dark, desolated place Full of hatred and sorrow The place where i mourn about you, My dearest enemy The pain that you caused Crushed me inside out Destroying what i thought we have That so-called-Friendship, huh? Or is it just me being naive? Or was it you being a cynical person you are Unabashed by your shortcoming But, please anyone, explain to me Why did my heart beats in pain At the mere mention of your name, dear enemy? I thought by not giving a flying fuck at you I would live in serenity Explain to me why it's this way, Why hurt has to be here every single frinkin' day? You can't restore a broken glass, they said The same thing happen to the trust i have in you, dear my pathetic enemy I don...

Berlambatlah, rasa.... Banyak keluh kesah di sekelilingku, "Ah, bosan itu-itu saja," "Ganti dong, masa itu terus," dan masih banyak bentuk celotehan lainnya. Baru kusadari bahwa semua itu bermuara kembali pada satu titik, yaitu rasa.  Bukankah rasa seharusnya mengantar seseorang dalam petualangan kehidupan? Kalau kata sebuah komersial di televisi, "Manis, asem, asin, rame rasanya." Mungkin maksud dari komersil itu berarti bahwa orang-orang sangat mencintai keberagaman rasa dan keluh kesah yang kudengar di sekelilingku berarti orang-orang sedang mendambakan rasa yang berbeda. Ah, aku mengerti sekarang.  Apa itu rasa ? Pikiranku terus berputar dan tenggelam dalam pikiranku sendiri. Aku tahu rasa makanan yang enak, manis, pedas, asam, asin dan lainnya. Akan tetapi hari ini aku berbicara mengenai rasa yang berbeda.  Pernahkah kalian, yang sedang membaca tulisan ini, merasakan "tidak merasa apapun"? Seolah-olah segala sesuatu disekitarm...

That uneasy feeling Lingers in my chest Stealing the breathe i have Smothering my being Like an axe in my hand Trying to put me to the darkness I turned my back Close my eyes Only to find myself deeper in the darkness The beat of my heart that won't slow down Aches, catching breathe The palms squeezed together  Trying to ease the pain away I'm ravished by  my own thoughts "Why try?", "What do you fight for?" Is it life? Or is it everything in that fucked up world? What is life anyway? No one every said that i don't want this life But no one exactly tell me to live this life Dreadful, bitter life It's like adding lemon to a scar Numbing the pain, but giving you that uneasy feeling Trembling, sweating, choking  Turning my life upside down, once again Life the one that i fight for every seconds the one that frightened me the most Relinquishing yet pulling me back to its core Drowning me beneath the waves Unfinis...

In every new morning, there's a new chance to see The birds fly and chirps cheerily On the tree besides wide opened windows Trying to say something we've always forgot to do In every new morning I've always long to savor The wind from my window With my books all over the table And Riverdale's playing on my screen Or to get my works done before lunch So that i can see more of The Handmaid's Tale Or when the caffeine discords with bloods Gets me to feel things that are never wanted by my body Nor my mind Things tend to be fucked up in a split second But you just want to get going The paradox of caffeine in me But that's just the thing with a cup of coffee It can give so much more that what you deserve While it messing with your being I'm simply addicted To the wonders of my every morning dose of caffeine A little adventure that can get anywhere but here Besides big ol' windows in a serene morning Finally i got a little ...

If only Your eyes could Witness The realm of all things Maybe your body Will dance with The beauty of it If only Your hands could Touch The shapeless things Maybe you wouldn’t dare To ever hurt Anything that is so Wordlessly beautiful Yet vulnerable If only Your feet could Walk pass by The realm of your life Maybe you could Feel How dry the soil was But in this timely life, There is always A room For possibility, For the ‘what if’ questions, For a chance To see, To touch, And To feel, What you’ve been Taken for granted Just because The King of realm your are now in, Can grant you The beauty of this created things.